Not as I imagined.

Well I am finally registered, I AM an enrolled nurse.

It was one of my careers of choice when I was younger to be a nurse, but two things stopped me. One, I didn't like the sight of blood and two I was hopeless at Maths and Science. But three days shy of my 47th birthday I have achieved it.

I wish my Mum and Dad were here to see it, I wish I knew if they would be proud of me for making this choice. I know you can say that they are looking down and would be proud, but it's not tangible, you never really know.

"I wish I could share this moment with you. I wish we were together to celebrate, to have a drink and I hear you tell me that you are so proud of the way I have struggled over the last year to get where I am. I wish you were here to go out for a celebratory dinner, go out and have some fun and smile and laugh like we used to, but like most things, that choice has been taken out of my hands; and there is no amount of longing that will change that, there is no amount of crying that will change that, the decision was made whether I liked it or not, no discussion entered into it, because I was never going to have a choice"

And so now another new volume in my life. The first page is written.........'Held Papou's willy down so that he would pee into the toilet and not all over me. Wiped the smallest, mushiest bit of poo off his bum, pulled up his pants and took him for lunch where I Meal assisted this legally blind Greek man' This gorgeous man, who can't see, sat on the toilet and held my hand tightly. It is the first time that someone has held my hand for months. He held it firmly and yet gently, he gave ME something today and he didn't even realise it. These are the moments that make the job of nursing so rewarding. Yeah ok, we are talking about body fluids, but we are also talking about an intimacy that is shared with someone, someone who is relying on you to guide their willy, wipe their bum, and then hold your hand and allow you to assist them to find the food on their plate so they can lift the fork up and feed themselves. I am blessed, I have met and I know I WILL meet some wonderful people in my career and I know that they will leave little notches in my soul AND I hope that I will make a mark on their lives, that they will remember my kindness and my caring not only for them, but for those family and friends that also needed it.

I AM A BLOODY NURSE