THE INTIMACY OF A RELATIONSHIP

One of the very special things between a couple is the intimacy of that relationship. Now I am not talking about the sexual intimacy, although that is ALSO a very special part of a relationship, but I am talking about all the little things that can happen between a man and a woman; and ok to be PC (politically correct) a woman and a woman or a man and a man, and it's not until you no longer have access to that in your life that you realise just how important those things are.

For each couple the LIT (little intimate things), will be as many as there are 100's and 1000's in the jar, and for some couples there may be none. For those where there are none, I hate to tell you, but in my humble opinion, you need to get some and NOW! I don't mean kissing in public or anything that may make you uncomfortable, but I have learned from bitter experience that once the LIT are gone from a relationship, it is doomed, unless you shine the light back on them to recapture the magic.

LIT can be simply placing your hand on your partner's arm as you put their plate on the table, put their electric blanket on, buying the latest copy of their favorite magazine, doing something that they really enjoy, but you hate, and you say nothing unless it's with a smile on your face and in your voice (ok that may be a big one, but if you are doing it every now and then, isn't it just the point that you are spending time together?), it can be running a bath with candles, it can be sending a text, it can be lying with your head in their lap as they read or watch tv, it can be holding their hand, it can be touching their arse (not sexually, but sensually, just touching), it can be doing something that they least expect you to do like hang out the washing, cook a meal, take the rubbish out, put petrol in the car, something that is usually your job, or their job. It can be kissing their closed eye lids, it can be waking up in the morning looking like the wreck of the Hespress and telling them that they look gorgeous.

All these and millions more are the string, glue and tacks that hold a relationship together. They are what make the downs bearable, the hardships acceptable, the arguements nothing, they are what makes forgiveness the power to heal, to understand.
I can't remember there being many LIT in my marriage, in fact it was the fact that my ex husband forgot a very important LIT that I realised that my marriage was in trouble and six weeks later on his 40th birthday I realised it was over unless we started to put a lot of work into it. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't my fault; per se, it was life, being busy with life and house and life and work and life and kids and we forgot to focus on us as a couple. In my second relationship, the LIT were dominant in our relationship. It wasn't a conscious decision, they were things that we realised we needed in relationships to keep them going, grease the road, make each other feel valued and important. The very first thing he ever did for me was to cook dinner at his place after work whilst I layed back in the hot bath he had run for me, in a bathroom full of candles and a glass of wine in my hand, whilst we both asked each other about our days, listened to each other, commented and processed. It didn't always end up in bed making love, it didn't have to, but the foreplay was brilliant ;-)

Anyway, for those that are in relationships, good and bad, think about the LIT or lack thereof; if this prompts you to create more in your relationship because they are missing then I am glad, when you don't have them anymore, their absence is palpable.